WOW Topic #2. ungratefulness.

ungratefulness is like a disease
it creeps up slowly when you least expect it
just when you think you are healthy
little do you know a deadly tumor is growing
it starts. with just, one, small, justifiable complaint
customer service, no biggie, the customer is always right, right?
but then all around you, you world grows dim
while everyone is trying to give, you just cant even see it
you have become, blinded, blinded by...the tumor of ungratefulness
It's a cancer that robs you of all gifts
when ungratefulness is your disease you are unable to receive
beauty reaches out her hand, and you turn your head... and sniff demanding, you are all deserving, "Come save me, cause I'm so worthy" but really? who is it you really see loose up those greedy clenched fist,
open your arms it's time to give,
and then you'll finally get it that all along, you've been given life,
and it's a good as you decide to make it

WOW Topic #1. inspiration.

Inspiration.

There's nothing that kills inspiration more than chaos…
One moment muddled to the next,
Coerced by obligation, Blinded by busyness, depleted by to-dos.
Life can become a roller-coster ride, that will take one on an amnesia inducing journey faster than what you bargained for.
One day you step off the ride, and realize years have passed before your eyes since you took time to stop and enjoy life.
But in that moment of clarity you look around you, and once again...
the world comes alive.
Beauty around you is born
Inspiration reveals it's veiled face.

This is my moment, I keep discovering again and again.
In its sweetness I taste, and delight.

I had almost forgotten it's wonder. I had almost given up.
Given up on searching.
Given up on longing.
Painful hunger conquered.
Almost, but not.
It would not relinquish it's fight.
Because I, once again am inspired.

Creation. In the beginning. Page one, history books, religious recordings,
all memories start here.
Something is made. God creates.
All life as we know it, begins... with a gigantic piece of art.
Creation inspires me.
He created self sustaining life
He created us to create
It has become our own work, survival, and art
Creation doesn't just end at "making something"
It drives down to the very depth of providence.
Design, it's the exercise of will, decision, and perfection.

Love. I'm inspired by Love. Faithful sacrifice.
Love that endures past the days that are always pretty and fun,
into the days covered in wrinkles, and filled with things like, colonoscopies.
Love that even had enough steam to chug the train all the way home,
when it's time to break down the beautiful mahogany bed
bought on the 25th anniversary,
and exchange it for a not-so-luxurious, ugly brownish metal one.
Operated by remote controls to prevent bed sores.
Love that lasts long enough to help change her 'depends'
when she can't quite make it...
Love holds her hand when the morphine isn't strong enough...
And when she decides, "treatment" is not longer an option...
I'm inspired by love that lasts a lifetime.

Purpose. Rob a man of purpose, rob him of life itself.
There's a moment when one discovers. "This was what I was made for,
There's nothing other way in the world I'd rather spend my life"
The one who finds this, and follows it, by this... I am inspired.

Destiny...or I should say, providence, to technically be "theologically correct".
All the supposed perfection of our prized personal plans shatters to pieces
and something else remains.
Something planned, designed, hand crafted, with precise intention.
Little did we know, this something is more breathtakingly beautiful that we could have ever perceived.
Suddenly the ashes of expectations we once held so dear,
blow away in a glimpse of this unimaginable glorious storm of destiny.

I'm inspired by daddies that hold their daughter's hands when they take them on dates and teach them what to expect from a man.

I'm inspired by soldiers who fight, I don't always understand why there's a fight for what it is for, but I'm inspired that they continue in battle at the cost of all things comfortable.

I'm inspired by honest melodies that can bring tears to your eyes, warm cozy rooms with dim lights, silver snow falling, and the setting sun that kisses me goodnight with it's fading beams of light.

I'm so often tempted to look for the great big, monumental things, when all a long it's the small things that we pass by each day that bring the most life.
Let me no longer be a passer by.

W.O.W Intro

So I have this friend. She's an amazing writer. Her raw honesty inspires me, and cuts me deep. But somehow in the lull of an uninspiring funk, her writing decided to hibernate. Well, in an attempt to awaken her sleeping bear, I prodded her with a blogging challenge.And I even gave it a fun silly name. W.O.W...I like to call it, write it out Wednesdays. Each Wednesday we challenge each other with various blog topics... (if we actually accomplish it by Wednesday)

Since i myself have also slipped into a wee bit of an uninspired season, we are doing it together, Hopefully to inspire each other, to write more, to live life a little fuller, and love a little harder. (because that's what writing does, at least for me :)
So I'll end this introduction before it gets any cheesier...
But hopefully I have given you a little blog challenge to look forward too :)

(oh...ps I have to confess... this challenge was supposed to start a couple weeks ago, and, I know, I'm so lame I'm already behind on my own challenge. So I have a little bit of catching up to do... but my wonderful friend has faithfully started the challenge.)

And please, please, if you would like to follow her wonderful blog with me... you should...
http://www.thisperpetualfunk.blogspot.com/

made from love

I rocked my sweet little nephew to sleep tonight.
It was one of those moments I wanted to last forever.
The way he snuggled his face on my chest,
He held his bottle tight like a big boy.
His tiny little hands crossed over his 'lovey', rubbing it softly
Once he was finally asleep, he was lost in my arms, completely trusting.

As I watched each expression on his face tonight
as he laughed, played, smiled stared into space
I saw him flash back and forth from mirroring his mom to his dad.
I was reminded again of where we all begin.
Two become one, we are all made from love.
And I love seeing Jackson, growing always
more in more into
a reflection of his mommy and daddy's love.

So now we all sit by the fire...and the christmas tree...
listening to christmas music...
And I sit beside, this love I'm made from.
I'm reminded how much this great love, I myself don't deserve.

12.16.2007

3 years ago today, I woke up in the morning and said, "Today is a good day."
I hardly slept that night, laid awake in my untouched crispy white sheets
the sun kissed our face to say good morning.
A sister slept beside me, who I discovered the night before
was no longer my sister, but my best friend.
We smiled with joy in our face, because today was a good day.

I sat and gazed out my window, I stared at the beautiful waterfall
I dreamed about all the memories we would share in this very place,
for what I thought would be years to come.
It felt like a gift, perfectly made for me.
The day began, hustling and bustling, every one all around me stirring,
just like the cold December Breeze.
It blew my perfectly curled hair all around,
and the delicate veil that framed my face brushed lightly against my shoulder.
I felt, like a queen, because today was a good day.

The garden germinated loved ones like fresh flowers on the first day of spring
Overwhelmed by faces of people it had been so long since I had seen.
Everyone smiling, and hugging and wishing happy blessings.
I was surrounded by an array of perfection.
More beautiful than I could ever imagine.
When little girls secretly whisper their fantasies of this day,
the reality had all my dreams beat.
I laughed, I beamed, I soaked in every moment,
because today was a good day.

We savored each bite on our special little table for two,
We danced our silly little dances,
The world watched us share a secrete only we knew.
With that there were tearful goodbyes,
and then we were off to all the beautiful lights.
Time froze, as we walked down the street painted with holiday delight,
Tonight he was a king, with his queen, hand and hand,
because today was a good day.

Although good days don't always stay that way.

On that good day, the skies turned to grey and that good day changed.
Life doesn't always play us the game we thought we would play.
Sometimes there is no way we are ever able to prepare
for the other puzzle that unfolds.
Sometimes we think we have so much under control.
Sometimes we think we are on top of the world.
When really, life tracks us down, figures us out, and stomps us to the ground.
Down to the very last piece of who we thought we were.
And we fall apart, with all of our polished pride, our pretty white dresses,
our mile wide and 20 deep theologies and philosophies...
and big fat study Bibles.
One day we wake up, and realize we really are nothing.

Dust.

A day I thought would last 60 years ended on day 531.

five-hundred and thirty one.

Darkness and obliteration haunted me.
Left with awkward silence and "friends" who claimed it couldn't be the "same".
Some too afraid to inquire,
politely walk by with stiff smiles and distant whispers.
Others with a dissertation of marital perfection prepared,
Insistently presenting.
Others just walk away, in dismay at the scarlet letter they claim, now shapes.
me, britany, can no longer be. free.

But then there were those, who continued.
They preserved through the confusion, the rebellion, and depression.
They persevered with love.
Who's hope is on the Glory set before us, above, and around. Love.
knowing though we are tragically broken, from dust, He creates...

something beautiful

And He continues, and continues to create, over and over again
no matter how much we destroy
and this persisting truth saved me.

While all my childlike visions forecasted beautifully good days
from that moment on
reality? I've had a lot of ugly days since that day.
Days ugly enough to delete permanently from the calendar.

a lot of days, I didn't want a tomorrow.

But today, on 12.16.10, I can look back and remember that day
I can finally look at that day, and say, it was a good day
And not all good days stay that way
But there something so much better about today,
because I can say, it's a new day, that He has made.

"yesterday is gone, and today is waiting for you to show your face,

And it might not be, the prettiest thing that you've ever seen
but it's a new day, oh baby it's a new day.
And it might not look like a beautiful sunrise,
but it's a new day, oh baby it's a new day."
-Robbie Seay Band

if to suffer for a dyeing man

"I'm not sure why it always goes downhill, Why broken cisterns never could stay filled...

And heaven knows, heaven knows, I tried to find a cure for all the pain,

Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do, It would be a lie to run away. "

-John Foreman

Last night I couldn't take the pain of death away.
Last night no drop of morphine could take the pain of death away.
Last night I believed in death.
I believed in hell.
I believed in relentless torment.
I was reminded of the desolation of life, in this flesh, and the pervasiveness of death.
"The grave is lazy, he takes our bodies slow"
It comes like an inescapable tsunami, a driving force of deterioration
Though he spends his entire existence running, never will he escape its abrasive path.

You can't labor for a pregnant woman
Neither can you suffer for a dyeing man

In the light of the terror of death, the uncertainty he's facing
I find myself only able to muster... one. single. blank. stare.

I am a horrible countenance, a cold hand I reach out to comfort,
Instead of soothing,

I merely inflict the memory of the treasured life that is quickly escaping
While I breathe deep, melting into the endless life within me
Icy nails dig deep in my palms pleading for one moment more,
or the cry to "just let me begin again"
But the vast vault is searching, and for this man, it will finally be the end to his striving

to be found in Him...

I feel like I am constantly running. constantly chasing.
Searching for something. something to ease my pain.
As soon as I'm convinced the pain has gone away,
I discover I've only merely perfected the art of concocting numbing medicine.
Although in the midst of a cold dark night,
Or the aftermath of an intoxicated frenzy,
Once again the pain slips a slithering hiss into the conversation of my life.

It screams out the secret I try so hard to hide.

I am still lonely.
I am still insecure.
I am still discontent.
I am still self-absorbed.
I am still... flawed.

This pain of mine so willingly finds an evil saab for me to loose myself in
So over and over, I'm lost again, while all along I'm just wanting to be found

Waiting to be found in Him, and captivated by His zealous ceremony.

Suffocate all the anxiety that consumes me.
I'm longing for all the snakes inside of me to finally be set free.
The bottled poison of deception to once and for all be emptied.
When only words of life pour out, and love always puts up a fight.
Cleanse me of this dark night, and this stranger inside me I spite.